Grab life by the dick!

The Jerkens Philosophy

 Grab life by the dick. It’s not just a catchphrase or a mating call, it is a way of life. When men don’t feel comfortable pleasing themselves, they won’t be confident enough to grab life and explore all of its endless wonder. Our products represent our commitment to the satisfaction our each customer we serve.  

Who is Richard Jerkens?

Richard Jerkens spent the last eleven years of his life living off the land in California’s Redwood forest. He slaved over the recipe, making each batch by hand using freshly foraged ingredients. Testing every mixture meticulously, rhythmically, obsessively, he finally arrived at the climax of his journey when he discovered the recipes for Jerken’s Original Wood Lotion. Today he is bringing his signature lotion to you to elevate your life as it engorged his.